Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
