saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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