Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
