Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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