She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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