I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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