some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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