Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
