I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
