Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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