Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
