I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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