did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
