Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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