so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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