I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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