it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
