awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
