OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
