Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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