Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
