Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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