He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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