it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's shark week go big or go home
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
