i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
