I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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