Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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