he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
