I wannas sexs uuuuu
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
