we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
