1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize