FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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