Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
