Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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