I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
