a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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