you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
