Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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