you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize