woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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