she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
