Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
