I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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