every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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