so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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