he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.