She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.