She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.