in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security