She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
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And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.