lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
