he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
