I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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