i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sext me about skeletons
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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