You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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