College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
