I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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