Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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