I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
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I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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