I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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