my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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