brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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